Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Advice for Male Spouses Who Are Attempting to Escape an Abusive Relationship

I have noticed a trend in the Military where Servicemen are falsely accused by their spouse of rape and domestic violence.  Typically from the cases I follow, Servicemen marry women they have known for less than three months, have been raised to not hit a woman and have not assaulted their spouse, are actually the ones being abused, and have the audacity to file for divorce to escape the abusive relationship.  Many times, the abusive spouse has a personality disorder and files a false allegation with the military's Family Advocacy Program who then contacts Army or Marine Corps Criminal Investigation Division (CID), Air Force Office of Special Investigations, (AFOSI), or Naval Criminal Investigation Service (NCIS).   False allegations are a form of abuse that rarely are punished when a spouse falsely accuses the other spouse.

One good tip is to surreptitiously record your spouse going into a rage if you live in a one party consent state for recording conversations.  For instance, Georgia is a one party consent state where you can legally record conversations between you and your spouse without her consent or knowledge.  However, this would be illegal in Florida, which is an all party consent state.  Unfortunately, victims of male domestic violence are not given the same consideration as females and do not enjoy the same "start by believing" mantra by many victim advocate groups, so you need evidence.  You also need an admission that you do not abuse your spouse from your spouse either physically or sexually before you file for divorce to protect yourself if he or she falsely accuses you after being served with divorce papers.  Here is a good chart from a law firm outlining wiretapping laws.

If you are a Serviceman who is in an abusive relationship, whose spouse is crazy, and are planning on filing for divorce, then you should read the book "Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder."  You need to know what you are getting yourself into, so you can plan for the chaos that is about to ensue.  If a loved one is in this situation, then buy this book for them, so they will know what to do and expect.  I have recommended this book to my clients, as it is informative, even if the false allegations do not manifest themselves.

(Disclaimer: None of the advice contained in this post creates an attorney client relationship with me, I cannot vouch for how current the wiretapping state law chart is, and I do not receive any royalties from the book I have recommended in this post.)