The elephant is gray, and its massive, and both sides have trained themselves to insist it's not their problem, even though it is.
When it comes to rape, feminists and men's rights advocates spend a lot of time -- let us be candid, way too much -- arguing over the prevalence of false rape claims. But neither side is ready to embrace the truth: some rape claims are actual rapes, and some are false rape claims. But most lie in a vast, murky, gray area where we just don't know what happened. That's the elephant in the room no one wants to discuss, but that's also the nature of a rape claim. Most are unknowable.
So what do we do? Instead of teaching our college-age sons and daughters that excessive alcohol and sex play are a recipe for terrible misunderstandings and differing perceptions, and, yes, lies, and instead of teaching them that the big gray area is almost always impossible for an outsider to unravel after-the-fact but can ruin their lives nonetheless, both sides are too busy pointing fingers at the other, with one side calling the other "undeservedly entitled beneficiaries of rape culture," and the other responding with cries of "lying cunts!" and both sides insisting the other side must change, and almost in defiance, inviting their side to keep on playing in the room with the big gray elephant.
Is it any wonder that approach hasn't worked?
Every objective observer agrees that sex and alcohol on campus are a deadly combination, and when it leads to rape claims, it's usually not clear to an outsider who's the victim and who's the villain. The fact is, it's not only murky to the cop, the student disciplinary board, and the judge trying in vain to unravel it after-the-fact, it's sometimes even murky even to the participants. Alcohol-fueled sex enhances one of two possibilities: (1) the absence of real consent, usually on the part of the young woman, or (2) after-the-fact regret on the part of the young woman that results in a false rape claim.
There's only one solution, but it's not one that plays well to anyone. Both parties need to alter their behavior and take lots more responsibility to avoid putting themselves in that situation instead of playing the victim card. It's time for a little blunt "victim blaming" for both genders. We need to tell our sons that they might not think it was rape, but it might look that way to an outsider, and even if they beat the rap, their lives could be destroyed. We need to tell our daughters that they might think it was a life-altering rape, but chances are an outsider won't see it that way.
It's too bad this message won't play well to people so busy being the victim that they don't realize they actually have the power to help solve the problem.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
18 comments:
Nice. Very even-handed.
Thanks, Anon. It was designed to address only one type of claim -- the ones that arise from alcohol (esp. on campus) that are very difficult to sort out. We can't eliminate all false rape claims, nor can we eliminate all rapes, but everyone I speak to agrees that this alcohol gray area breeds rape claims that might be true, and might be false, but they lie in a peculiar twilight world that can be avoided.
I am certain it won't be a popular post, because it blames everybody. That's OK. I need to call 'em as I see 'em.
"I am certain it won't be a popular post, because it blames everybody. That's OK. I need to call 'em as I see 'em."
Well,I don't know. I've never told men "go out there and fuck drunk sluts, it'll be fine.".
It's your prerogative, in a sane world it'd be perfectly okay, but this isn't a sane world. At least, not after affirmative action and feminist rape laws. They make it a crime for a man to allow awkward silence to pervade a room containing a female and other such princess/serf class "crimes". Look at a woman the wrong way? You're fired. Have consensual sex with two chicks at the same time? You're going to jail the moment they figure out they can't both be your girlfriend and receive 100% of whatever belongs to you that they felt entitled to.
So, my evangelizing in the area of false rape claims contains this view. Anyone is a target with their heavy-handed vague laws. Absolutely anyone for any reason or none at all. If she feels "bored" you could go to jail for it.
Women are often given "rape kits" (Whistle, mace, etc.) when they go to uni.
Men should be given audio recording software or hardware.
It's so easy, I don't know why more men don't record their sexual encounters. It doesn't solve the problem of being accused of rape when you didn't even have sex, but quite a lot of rape accusations start with actual sex.
If by "victim-blaming" you mean "taking responsibility for how your actions led to you being in that grey-area situation in the first place", then I'm right there with you.
I don't think this is true. False rape accusations are usually made by women with a long history of lying. There is no grey area in such cases: a serial false accuser is a worthless felon; no further discussion required. The same goes for a man who has truly been proven to have committed a rape.
Sorry, but I think that this argument about gray areas just plays into the hands of those who coddle false rape accusers.
Anon @12:43:00
"It's so easy, I don't know why more men don't record their sexual encounters."
Because that can lead to a whole other set of problems. In many places, it is illegal to record conversations without the consent of all parties present. If the young man doesn't disclose the recording and get the consent of the other person to be recorded, and it's discovered, there can be criminal and civil consequences to doing that. Instead of helping the young men avoid trouble, it could hurt them.
Imho, the problem isn't so much the big grey elephant, but the 500 lb. gorilla -- the university administration that has rules that go way beyond the law and too often automatically takes the side of the female accuser. Like many have pointed out, the majority of these claims wouldn't go anywhere if these students had to take them to the police. This is not because the police don't take rape claims seriously, but because many of these claims don't involve any other laws besides under-aged drinking.
Anon at 5:58: I am told my university attorneys that the big switch from 20 or 30 years ago is that the girls often drink more heavily than the boys. While the kangaroo courts are skewed against the boys, it is still by no means a slam-dunk that the boy will be expelled or punished.
Anon at 1:38: I am just calling them as I see them, and I think it's more complicated than blaming the false accuser in these cases. This post only addresses one particular type of problem. It has nothing to do with many other instances of false rape claims. But this is a big one because it is the principal problem for young men on campus.
"Anon at 5:58: I am told my university attorneys that the big switch from 20 or 30 years ago is that the girls often drink more heavily than the boys."
I wasn't doubting the binge drinking...
"While the kangaroo courts are skewed against the boys, it is still by no means a slam-dunk that the boy will be expelled or punished."
Maybe not, but what is a "slam-dunk" is that there will be a large number of well-funded people all too eager to believe and support the female accuser. The VAWA pretty much guarantees her a phalanx of professional sycophants ready to defend her. That's quite an incentive to rationalize her drunken behavior as "rape".
This ought to be hung on the wall of every dorm room. The feminists will never go for it, because to them, we're all just a bunch of rapists.
Anon@ Dec 14, 2010 12:31:00 AM:
"It's your prerogative, in a sane world it'd be perfectly okay, but this isn't a sane world. At least, not after affirmative action and feminist rape laws."
False. You seem to forget all the men/women/children hanged from trees because some privileged 1600s-on princesses cried rape. Let's not forget about entire cities/communities being razed to the ground by white knight chivalrists "protecting purity"
Crappy article, but talks about women having post-orgasm regret:
http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2010/12/09/sex-should-women-be-more-like-men/
American boys are being "broken" to the degree, they would rather lose themselves into a video game than deal with the world around them. The Nazi's would be proud of how this "Neo Gender feminist construction" has completely neutered the majority of male electorate.
Now perverts can run this country into the ground (and take free enterprise with it), and no male stands up to challenge them.
Gender / raunch feminists gain "Empowerment" from the false rape accusation.
If young men were told to be careful of the "False rape accusation, cause its hard to protect yourself against them", it would in turn lessen false rape accusations, and this would in turn "Neuter" the "Rape hysteria" that currently Empowers so many Gender / Raunch.
So Gender feminist quack perverts who now dominate American universities will have nothing to do with teaching young men to stay away from situations that foster a potential false rape accusation..they will fight this with a "Klan Type of hysteria"
Young college men are going to have to learn that their "party" environment is way more dangerous than they ever thought.
They're going to have to be more proactive to protect themselves from the 'wolves' in young womens clothing.
In many places, it is illegal to record conversations without the consent of all parties present.
That's true in 12 states. In the other 39, men should be recording their encounters.
If you're in Canada or the UK, record away.
If the young man doesn't disclose the recording and get the consent of the other person to be recorded, and it's discovered, there can be criminal and civil consequences to doing that.
Maybe so, but I would rather get in trouble for surreptitious recordings than for rape. And remember that one of the most awful parts about rape charges is the suspicion that lingers in peoples' minds even if you aren't convicted. "We can just never know what happened between those two people". But if you have a recording, even if it's just the police who hear it, everyone will know that there is an accurate record of what happened and if you aren't convicted most people will know that you must truly have been innocent.
I appreciate people trying to be fair by showing the extremes of both sides. But I don't agree that MRAs, in general, ignore the grey area. Feminists do, but MRAs do not. I've been an MRA for over 10 years and from what I see MRAs are glad to talk about the grey area in order to show that there are two sides to the issue rather than just one side. That's all the men's rights movement is about, even if there are some extremists within it.
Post a Comment