Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Women often lie to men in the bedroom -- about orgasms and wanting to have sex in the first place

The sexual grievance industry insists that men, especially college-aged men, miss more signals in the bedroom than a blind taxi driver.  Women should only have sex when they want to have sex, the thinking goes, and men routinely misinterpret women's words and conduct to mean consent when consent really isn't present.  The blame for failing to know what women want falls squarely on the men, the thinking goes, because their undeserved male privlege teaches them to take what they want from women without asking.  To remedy this flaw in maleness, the sexual grievance industry preaches that men need to obtain a verbal and enthusiastic "yes" before they can have sex.

Blaming men for missing signals in the bedroom is not just grossly unfair, it blinks at the reality that women typically have little or no difficulty in getting men to understand exactly what they want them to understand -- in the bedroom, and everywhere else.

Cue the feminist eye rolls.

And here's the dirty little secret men aren't supposed to know: women often don't tell men the truth in the bedroom.

Need proof?  Yet another study shows that -- gulp -- women fake orgasms.  In fact, this is nothing new. Polls and research report that anywhere between 48 percent and 72 percent of women admit to faking orgasm. A new study on American sexual behavior published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine shows that 85 percent of men said that their partners climaxed during their most recent sex act, while only 64 percent of women reported they actually did. And a study released earlier this year in the Archives of Sexual Behavior showed that 80 percent of women fake it.

Routinely, women purposely and successfully fool men about having orgasms and about enjoying the sex experience when, in fact, they aren't. 

Is it such a stretch that women are also routinely agreeing to have sex in the first place even though they'd secretly prefer not to?  And is the fact that women generally (and, yes, we all know there are plenty of exceptions) don't desire intercourse as much as men such a revelation to anyone who has had relations with a member of the opposite sex?  Women know that most men want sex more than they do -- please, spare me the indignant denials -- and women agree to have sex for all manner of reasons, often to foster a long-term relationship.  This is news to recent Womyn's Studies grads, but common sense to the rest of humanity.

And very few men take from a woman that which she's unwilling to give. 

By the same token, few men are missing signals in the bedroom.  Lost in the public discourse on the "consent" issue is that legally, morally, and in every other way, "consent" does not refer to a woman's subjective state of mind but to her outward manifestations of assent. Women have little or no difficulty convincing men that they are having orgasms when they aren't, or that they want to have sex when they don't.  The purported "misunderstandings" generally only come after-the-fact, when women feel the need -- whether due to regret, to cover up the encounter, or to exact revenge -- to cry rape.

It's time to stop treating women as the put-upon victims of male sexual predation whose desires are ignored, misunderstood, or scoffed at because men don't care what they want. The fact is, the vast majority of men care very much what women want, and, for their part, women have no trouble making men understand what they want them to understand.