Hi. I am 24 years old and currently a veteran of the armed forces. I have served in Iraq twice in the regular army as a combat engineer (infantry with explosives, basically your a jack of all trades). I got out of the army a couple of months ago and I am currently in college.
My story started last summer when we got back from Iraq. My best friend and I went to a night club and long story short I had sex with a woman. This woman was a female soldier and ended up being late to work the next morning. I was on leave at the time, so I didn't have to go too work. She accused me of raping her, because she was going to show up to work drunk and late. This is a huge issue in the armed forces, where you just can't call off work -- it would be considered AWOL (absent without leave) or even more serious in cases of wartime, desertion (we are currently at war).
My friend and I were arrested, he was later released. I had to wait at the mp station until 1pm (this all started around 6:30-7am) until CID showed up. The CID agent tried to get me to talk to him, which probably would have been the dumbest thing I could ever do. I really wanted to though, I just wanted to scream it out loud I didn't do this, I didn't rape anybody. I wisely said, "I should probably talk to a lawyer." I was taken to the post clinic where I had a rape kit performed.
To the unknowning, let me explain what this means.... They entered my barracks room found a pt shirt and shorts (army workout clothes -- think black short shorts and a gray t shirt with a word "ARMY" written in black on the chest). They, of course, couldn't find pt shoes (running shoes) because all my stuff was still at the bottom of my duffle bag (we had just gotten back from Iraq), so they grabbed a pair of crocs. I was taken to a doctor's waiting room, I was told to completely strip naked. While I was naked the CID agent took pictures of every part of me. The doctor then swabbed my penis 2-3 times, then pulled hair from every part of my body. The CID agent took all my clothes, and gave me my army pt shirt and shorts and my crocs. I was then taken to his car where we went to the CID station.
At the CID station I was fingerprinted, and told to sit in a room and wait. One hour later he came for me and took me to my units staff duty office. I was given a protection from abuse paper which said I could not come in contact with her or my best friend. I was told I was no longer on leave and I had to report to work tomorrow at 6:30am. This all ended for me that day around 3pm. I will never forget the look the staff duty nco (non commisioned officer, aka sergeant) and the officers gave me. Like I was some kind of worm, dogshit on the bottom of there shoes.
In the past I have had problems with alcohol. I fixed it and got some healthy drinking habits. This of course blew the lid off of all of that. No one in my platoon was back from leave yet, so I had nobody to talk to. I just had to take the stares, the talking under the breath I heard as I walked past a group of soldiers. Someone started a rumor that when I was at the MP station, someone asked if I raped her and I said, "yeah I did it." That probably sounds ridiculous to you but soldiers gossip about 10x more, and harder, than any episode of "Desperate Housewives"/"Sex In The City" you have ever seen.
I would go out alone and not talk too anybody, just drink my ass off. The army lawyer I was given explained to me that I would probably win my court martial when it happened. It was going to happen because army prosecutors in cases of sexual assault/rape HAVE to take it too court martial. Unless you proved you weren't even there when the rape occured, or the victim recants. He told me he had spoken to CID and they aren't sure about her story so they might ask me to take a polygraph. I was very skeptical about a polygraph.
The reasons I was skeptical, that's easy, I was torturing myself. I would drink and think about it constantly, I thought maybe I had done it? What if she was black-out drunk? What if she had come out of her black-out with me on top of her? Maybe someone actually thought that I raped her? I went over and over in my mind about that . . . . I am an intelligent person, I know from watching the History Channel and the Discovery Channel as a child what a polygraph is and how it worked. I just thought about it and thought about it over and over.
So basically in the army unless a victim recants, if you were there or had relations with her, it is going to court martial. The army lawyer told me he might as well specialize in this field. He has had 10ish in the time that he came to the post. He went on to explain every single case he has won. He was trying to convince the prosecutor downstairs to stop taking them to court martial.
I hated women because of this, I would go out to bars at night and not talk to anybody. I even was propositioned a few times by attractive women, I told them all to go away and leave me alone. I was very rude about this, the women would usually respond that I was a faggot bla bla bla. Like I said, I was very rude and deserved that response. I had this fear and it continues to this day of this happening again.
My platoon got back from leave and I once again had people to talk too. No one could believe it, my first sergeant, whom I trusted, took me to his car and had me explain the story. He told me he knows I didn't do it and wouldn't tell anyone even if CID came calling. The reason for this is, once again, the army rumor mill. My lawyer told me not too talk to anybody about the case. Let's say I told Sergeant so-so, who later on while playing x box and drinking a beer tells specialist snuffy, who while at the motor pool the next day tells Private Jack and Private Black and it turns into some crazy story. CID can then use that story in their investigation, there are no secrets in the military.
I was stop-lossed for my second deployment to Iraq. I really should have been out of the military one plus year ago. I should have been able to waive the waiting 90 days after a deployment and been able to get out in. like, a month. My plan was to do this and get out in time for the summer semester in college. It was now almost October, the investigation had been going on for 3-4 months now. I was at a hospital with my squad leader for a doctor's appointment. He was about to leave and was going to pick me up in an hour or so when he came back for some reason. He told me the investigation was over the victim had recanted, my unit had just gotten the call. It felt like such a weight was off my shoulders.
I mean when you see someone on the news accused of a crime you either think they're guilty and condemn them or think there innocent and you empathize. If you know the person and they're a friend, you console them. You say stuff like "the truth will come out, bro," and you're shocked if they are found guilty. However you don't think about it any farther than that. When I started thinking about it, I realized wow, I could be put in jail for 20+ years for something I did not do. I would be in Fort Leavenworth, my life completely over. When I got out I would have to register as a sex offender. I would literally have to move to Mexico to live anything like a normal life.
It wasn't over for me yet though. My lawyer called my unit and said he needed to speak with me to tell me all the details. As I walked into his office he was screaming at someone on the phone. He was actually yelling expletives into the phone, I was told to wait outside. As I was ushered into the office he told me to sit down and started reading her statement. In a nutshell it basically said, "I was late and I didn't think IT was going to be a big deal" (meaning, "it would not be a big deal if I said he raped me so I wouldn't get in trouble").
Not a fucking big deal? I felt like ripping shit apart, not a fucking big deal? You nearly ruined my entire fucking life. I drink all the fucking time, habitually now, I can't bring myself to even talk to women, I fear them. I am a complete and total shut-in, I don't even go out anymore. I just sit in my room drinking and listening to music and playing fucking World of Warcraft. The leadership in my platoon wants me to get out ASAP because I show up in the morning hungover and smelling like an open bar.
He went on to explain that he was screaming into the phone because even after that statement CID wanted to pursue charges of aggravated sexual assault. Which is a lesser charge of rape, I believe that is the charge he said, but it's been a few months. He went on to explain it's completely not legal, it's just the army and their policy on sexual assault and rape in the military. Like I said before, its usually in every case going to go to court martial. With her statement there is absolutely no way I could lose. He went on to say that he had teamed up with the prosecutor on this and they both told CID that it was illegal what they were doing. The prosecutor was extremely angry because this would have been another case he would of had too bring to trial and lose.
I was told that everything was dropped after a few more phone calls the lawyer made. I was honorably discharged from the military in October. I have been out of the military now for almost half a year and currently a college student.
____________________________
I don't go out anymore, I haven't been to a bar since I was in the military. I haven't had sex with a woman or even hit on anybody since the false allegations. I sit alone on weekends drinking a bottle of scotch and putting off school work until the last possible second. I sometimes miss class because my dumbass thinks, well, I can just have a glass or two and wake up at 6 in the morning and be at school by 8. I know there's something wrong with me, I just don't know where to go for help.
I figured you could probably post this story on your blog and it could be another piece of evidence why these laws need to be changed.
Nothing happened signifigant to the woman, she got an article 15 for being drunk on duty. Thats just 15 days of restriction and extra duty.
I went through a personal hell for four months. She cost the military probably upwards of 50+ thousand dollars.
Think about the expense, the whole process of an investigation. That's hundreds of hours in processing and investigating. Everything would have to be checked and double-checked. No one wants a case to be thrown out because something wasn't done properly during the investigation. That's several DNA tests on her clothes, the bedsheets, my clothes, my friend's clothes. Disease checks on everything that could be transmitted by fluid exchange. That's lab time that could be used to process something else, like a murder. Furthermore, if this had gone forward, the costs of a full military court martial.
To determine whether or not a woman was raped by someone there are a few things they look at. First it's the character of the alleged victim. Does she appear truthful, visibly hurt, emotionally upset etc. They look at how sexually promiscous she is, which feminists say violates women's rights. The woman who accused me I later learned had been through half of our sister engineer company. They had gotten back from Iraq a few months before we did. The police also look at the evidence. For example vaginal tears caused by lack of lubrication or rough sex. Bruises, scratches, marks etc. the victim may have received from the alleged perp. DNA evidence, like semen that proves you had sex with that person. The police then re-question the victim several times to make sure her story is consistent.
The problem with all of this is every allegation of rape is taken deadly serious. Also, the majority of evidence in a rape case can be caused by rough sex. Now note that I am not talking about some unnamed person dragging a woman down a dark alley, beating the shit out of her then raping her. In the vast majority of rape cases this doesn't happen. The problem is anything in a rape case can be DAMNING evidence for the accused. It is looked down upon by juries for attacking the character of an alleged victim. If done wrong you might have just put your client in prison. The victim's appearance, age, gender, race, and occupation all work against the accused. Imagine a vanilla white, Jessica Simpson look-alike, daughter of a southern baptist preacher accuses someone of rape? The problem with this crime is it usually happens behind closed doors and the truth of the matter is you never really know.
Thanks for reading my story.
49 comments:
Great story dude. thnx for sharing!
I feel for you.
The woman that falsely accused you deserves 20 years in prison and to register as a sex offender for life.
I do not blame you for the way you feel.
I wish there was a way you could AT LEAST get compensated for what happened to you.
I look at it like this. Regardless of what the LAW says. A VERY SERIOUS CRIME was done to you.
To me other than being murdered or having very serious bodily harm done to you this is the next worse thing that can happen.
Another thing that really bothers me is you are willing to give your LIFE for a country that would do this to you.
I wish you well and I hope you can put this all behind you.
Find a therapist. It was the best thing I did 10 years after I was the victim of an FRA. I'm still healing. Best of luck to you.
--BB
Time for some hard truths.
1/ with your drinking and all you are just doing to yourself what she tried to do to you, fucking your life up beyond all recognition.
2/ you are wasting your time at college, your head and heart aren't in it, you just had nowhere else to go
3/ your life, thanks to her, is like a stuck record, it isn't going anywhere except downhill, fast.
4/ you need to take back control of your own life, fast, and step 1 is lose the bottle, no matter what it takes, move to another state, anything.
5/ step 2 is paybacks are a bitch, she is still in the military, still earning a wage, and that money is rightfully yours, call your army defence lawyer and ask him to give you the name of a civil lawyer, and all the paperwork, and sue the bitch into oblivion.
the time for acting like a POW is over dude.
(all the above said with sympathy from a fellow FRA, I know all of the above is the toughest thing you will ever do, but it is that or let her kill you)
Part 1 of 2
First of all thanks for serving and for sharing your story. The experiences you have had in the military most people in the civilian world will never see in their entire lives. This is important because the transition from a military career is not easy for anyone, let alone someone who is 24 years old and has had to face an FRA in addition to being deployed in a combat zone. What has happened to you is like carrying around a psychological-and-emotional 300-pound rucksack that not many in the civilian world will see, appreciate, or understand. While your post here at FRS is helpful to all of us who have been unwillingly drafted into the Army of the Falsely Accused, there's no substitute for direct, personal help for yourself. I'm sure you know all about http://iava.org/ so I won't go on about it, but it is imperative that you find a few people whom you can trust implicitly and unconditionally that have a similar frame of reference, and with whom you can directly interact, because Isolation is the Ultimate Poison
http://www.howardbloom.net/lucifer/excerpt2.html. All I can say (for now) is that I know how the isolation feels and how tempting it is to do anything that will allow you to feel something other than totally numb or enraged. I know, too, that drinking heavily seems to be one helluva lot cheaper than seeing a shrink, helps reduce your anxiety, and allows you to feel something -- anything, but the costs and side-effects: physiological, mental, social, educational, and potentially criminal (DUI/DWI) merely add injustice upon an INJUSTICE.
Educate yourself on PTSD:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posttraumatic_stress_disorder
* Things that have helped me (some of these you'll need to see a doctor or psychiatrist to get; standard disclaimers apply)
--> clonidine: a prescription a-adrenergic agonist http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha-adrenergic_agonist
Clonidine is good for high blood pressure, but has also been used to reduce PTSD stress symptoms.
--> EDMR:
Weird, but this stuff actually works (at least for me)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_Movement_Desensitization_and_Reprocessing
--> Dietary supplements:
+ Rehmannia Endurance (help with school-related stress)
http://www.planetaryherbals.com/products/GP1543/
+ GABA
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamma-Aminobutyric_acid
gamma-Aminobutyric acid (GABA) is the chief inhibitory neurotransmitter in the mammalian central nervous system. Anti-anxiety drugs like valium increase the available GABA in your system. The problem with valium and other benzodiazepines is that they can become addictive. http://thebrain.mcgill.ca/flash/i/i_03/i_03_m/i_03_m_par/i_03_m_par_benzodiazepines.html. Another inexpensive (and seemingly less addictive way) to increase the available GABA in your system is to take it as a dietary supplement.
GABA Supplements
http://www.sourcenaturals.com/products/GP1122/
GABA as a supplement seems to reduce my anxiety and stress and allows me to focus on my work.
Some recommend it as part of an alcohol withdrawal treatment program:
http://www.ehow.com/way_5514136_gaba-treatment-alcoholism.html
Part 2 of 2
Hypnotherapy:
http://www.potentialsunlimited.com/
Hypnotherapist Barrie Konicov was very popular in the 1980's with a host of hypnotherapy programs to help with all sorts of issues. They can be found above. His programs relatively inexpensive and it may work for you.
Light and Sound machines:
http://www.amazon.com/Proteus-Mind-Machine-System-Mindplace/dp/B000RCHFI6/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
L/S machines work extremely well for me in meditation, concentration, learning new material and in getting rid of anxiety and stress.
Other places to look:
http://www.toolsforwellness.com/light-sound-machines.html
http://www.hemi-sync.com/
As stated, none of these are intended to treat specific medical conditions and you should check with your doctor. These are merely suggested alternatives that I have found useful over the years and may help those who are dealing with the psychological and emotional damage from FRA's.
Great, great story, very well told.
Bro..i hear ya, and thanks for telling us yer story. It is nice we have this place to share our stories.
It's a great story, and we need more people willing to share their true life accounts with us.
To our brave writer, AfOR is in a similar state as you are -- he's giving you some "tough love." He might seem harsh, but he has a heart of gold.
Sir,
Thank you for serving our country. I salute you for your bravery and sacrifice!
My heart goes out to you for going through such trauma especially at your young age at the hands of a liar and a criminal.
Get help with the drinking. My first husband died before he was 40because of that demon. Don't let them win hun, fight fight fight for your life and happiness.
The VA has mental health professionals. My husband sees a therapist and psychiatrist regularly since he has been released from jail. He has PTSD from this ordeal and has reached out to the VA for help. Thank God the VA is free or he wouldn't be able to get any help (since the FRA made sure our living was also raped from us).
Get pissed off at the situation and
DO NOT LET THEM WIN!!!!
CBGirl
@ Archivist.
I don't think it is tough love.
The man in question is making one fundamental mistake, he thinks he is on civvy street, when in fact he is still in the combat zone.
eg civilian life is fairly safe, but the theatre of operations kills and maims people all the time.
Where he (and those of us like him) are it is a place that maims and kills all the time.
You need a mindset where...
a/ there is a fire.
b/ every single effort that does not directly aim to put that fire out is treated as "enemy action"
The man's life and future is on the line, just as surely as if he is in a combat zone and bullets are flying overhead.
Drinking in a combat zone is a good way to get dead.
Studying in a combat zone is a good way to get dead.
There is no way off the field of honour until you have slain the dragon.
Treat it (the FRA) like it REALLY is, which is nothing less than enemy action.
Pretend I'm just some random gunny, talking to him in terms he can understand.
Mentally and psychologically he is still in the army, and he will stay there, crippled, until he can get closure on this, by defeating the last enemy.
Look on the bright side, the army taught him to survive, to be tough, to fight, to overcome nerves and fear.
That is a FANTASTIC set of tools to have to combat an FRA.
SO the enemy did a strategic withdrawal after omitting a war crime, fuck them, track em down, end it.
I was in court this week, and asked what my feeling were.
It was REAL hard not to say "I say we take off and nuke em from orbit, it's the only way to be sure."
NO ONE is going to be safe from my FRA's until they are pounded into the dirt, no money, no good name, no power over anyone else again.
Same goes for his FRA, and everyone else's.
There is only one thing he needs to remember, his enemy thought his entire life was worth less than her being 30 minutes late for duty....
Burying yourself in a bottle is teaching her that she was right.
I wish they guy was in the UK, I'd drive to see him and buy him several drinks, of coffee, and shoot the shit.
Archivist,
Do you know if he's reading these comments? They're very good.
I agree with AfOR. Drinking and being alone is just playing a victim and not stepping up. His story could go so much farther if he healed his wounds and started telling his story publicly, not just on a blog.
Stopping injustices like this begins with the person involved. He's going nowhere--not only in his life but with his story as well.
I don't know what it's like to be in his situation, but I've been through my fare share of rough times and realize that he's just letting the whole situation eat him up.
I give him my regards and wish him well.
I, for one, refuse to opine about somebody else's situation until I've been in it. So many young men his age find themselves in difficulties. Some end up in prison; others, on the street; others resort to the ultimate long-term solution for a short-term problem -- male suicide rate in this age group is horrible.
Some of our readers know this: having a false rape accusation hang over your head is among the worst things that can happen to a person. He had difficulty in his past, and this seems to have reopened some awful things.
No, I won't dare judge this young man, or tell him to pull himself together. I want him to get all the help that is available to him to make sure he's on the right path.
AfOR, thanks for your comments -- your insight is always worth listening to.
"SO the enemy did a strategic withdrawal after omitting a war crime, fuck them, track em down, end it."
scott says, I'm not in the military, and not the guy that shared his story with us, but, I'm trying brother, and have come to the conclusion that the most effective tool to be utilized right now is to dampen the flow of faulty and inflammatory agitation propaganda, that is in many way currently being "manufactured" by law enforcement.
Break the gender feminist / law enforcement misinformation Alliance!!, it is a perversion, and it is un-constitutional!!
Scott
"No, I won't dare judge this young man, or tell him to pull himself together. I want him to get all the help that is available to him to make sure he's on the right path."
Agreed.
I think that it's acceptable for others who have been victims of FRAs to give him advice.
But others, who have not, and who could not be, should not tell him to 'step up'. That's a little bit too close to 'man up', i.e. 'just deal with your problems and stop complaining', and coming from someone who could never be in this situation, it comes across as extremely callous.
AFOR is right.
I don't always agree with him 100%, but in this case, I agree with him 100%.
Anon @6:02 - 100% agreed, as well. I'm out going to to buy some GABA.
Now.
@ Scott & Snark.
The funny think about clichés, is that they are funny things, until something happens out of the blue in your life, and suddenly one of those clichés makes a whole new kind of sense.
Clichés like "take it like a man" really don't mean anything significant, or even anything positive, to anyone who has never been faced with a brutal choice, take it like a man, or take it on your knees.
Like it or not, being falsely accused of rape is a brotherhood, remember this is where biker gangs came from.
An IMPORTANT point here, I got this direct from a yank who was there, it could only have been yanks who created biker gangs.
Serve in WW2, come back home, nobody gives a shit and nobody understands because the homeland never saw the war first hand, so the only people you could call brothers were the other guys who were there, who knew what it was like.
The rest is history.
Under ordinary circumstances (for the sake of argument) Scott may well be the kind of person who I would cross the street to avoid, who knows, I have never met the man.
However.
As a fellow FRA, he is my brother, and if I am down to 2 smokes he is welcome to one of them.
One of the "ethics" of the biker gang was that you kept up your end, you kept up your loyalty to those who had shared your experiences.
Biker gangs today (and I know a thing or two about this subject, having run more or less with them, but not of them, much of my life) aren't shit, because there is no shared experience, so they can talk brotherhood all they like, but without a core who have walked the walk, it just doesn't work.
Which is where we are today.
Whatever differences Scott (just using him as an example again) and I may have, what we have in common can't be broken, and outweighs whatever we may have had to set us apart.
I am my brother's keeper.
Same as the army, same as the original biker gangs, the falsely accused are never alone.
The only real trick is learning this, learning that distance has nothing to do with brotherhood.
The falsely accused, least of all on this planet, will judge a man harshly for not taking it like a man, for taking it on his knees, because we know that is the easy option. We know this like no-one else can.
But, when we see a brother say "fuck it, I ain't taking this shit on my knees" then it makes us all feel good, about him, and about our brotherhood.
Nothing any man can ever do to me, or say to me, or anything else, will ever come near what our false accusers did.
There is no justice, just us.
----------
I am also going to recycle an old biker joke.
you are in a square room 30 feet a side.
in this room with you are three other people.
the guy who stole your bike
the guy who mugged your mum
the bitch who made an FRA against you
all four of you are chained to one corner of the room on 3 feet of chain
you have a gun with two bullets in it, what do you do?
answer
shoot the bitch, twice.
If American colleges are like Aussie universities, it may be the best place to start looking for help.
For my husband, it all started with a breakdown with the university chaplain, led to diagnosis of PTSD and depression due to almost criminal-level child abuse, and culminated in free psychological care.
If you can find anyone in a position of care - a nurse, priest, counsellor, anything! - seek them out and ask for help.
The fight or flight response response is one of the two choices a man can make after being falsely accused of a rape that simply NEVER HAPPENED!!.
At first it was shock and disbelief and confusion...now it is anger, not a just the filthy pig who falsely accused me, but also the law enforcement community that refused to charge her with the extreme violation of my life.
Scott.
The fight or flight response response is one of the two choices a man can make after being falsely accused of a rape that simply NEVER HAPPENED!!.
At first it was shock and disbelief and confusion...now it is anger, not a just the filthy pig who falsely accused me, but also the law enforcement community that refused to charge her with the extreme violation of my life.
Scott.
@ Scott
Yeah, but we remember, and we keep score.
Revenge is best served cold, and legal.
now it is anger, not a just the filthy pig who falsely accused me, but also the law enforcement community that refused to charge her with the extreme violation of my life.
Scott.
I believe it is the same law enforcement we are dealing with. Glad you found us!
CBGirl
Why the Rape Lie occurs.
Satan is the Father of the Lie.
Jesus Said at John (8 44)
44 YOU are from YOUR father the Devil, and YOU wish to do the desires of YOUR father. That one was a manslayer when he began, and he did not stand fast in the truth, because truth is not in him. When he speaks the lie, he speaks according to his own disposition, because he is a liar and the father of [the lie].
Why the Rape Lie occurs.
Satan is the Father of the Lie.
Jesus Said at John (8 44)
44 YOU are from YOUR father the Devil, and YOU wish to do the desires of YOUR father. That one was a manslayer when he began, and he did not stand fast in the truth, because truth is not in him. When he speaks the lie, he speaks according to his own disposition, because he is a liar and the father of [the lie].
So sorry to chirp in late on this post but I must make comment. This young man reminds so much of what my son is going thru. The military is not a friendly place for those who are falsely accused very little brotherhood there. My son has been denied promotion, pay raise and is continually taunted. After several months of phone calls, tears and frustration, he has learned to respond as follows “I was falsely accused, incarcerated and striped of my constitutional rights, dignity and if you are not willing to learn from me, you may be the next victim.”
I encourage this young man to keep in touch with The False Rape Society, the strength within will become your strength, the victories will become your victories and the wisdom of those responsible for this site will guide you.
It’s a heavy burden to carry, but you are not alone. You must fight the urge to let the despicable act of one person determine your life. Remember, she tried once to ruin your life, do not give it a second chance.
Thank you for all your kind words. I am the author of the article and i really would like to extend my deepest thanks. When I was sixteen I was kicked out of my home. I had just turned seventeen by the time CYS(children and youth services) had taken me into there system. I was too old for a foster home so I was sent to a group home.
A group home is usually private owned and payed for by the state. I ran into the, "usual" in that system. The kids who had anger issues, foster kids with problems, and kids like myself who their parents had kicked to the curb. I was assigned a counselor who did help me quite a bit but didn't fix the problem completely.
My problem was I was smart and fat, which means i was a complete loser in high school. The only thing that can make you feel like I did is the movie, "white oleander." I was fat and a big guy which means I got picked on in High School. This of course didnt translate well to homelife and after a fight with my brother;in which my mom had to choose him or me. She chose my little brother.
After getting out of the system when I turned 18(by choice u can choose to stay until 21) I had to live somewhere. My mom wouldn't allow me to live with her so I lived with my grandparents(matriarchial). I got a job at a telemarketing company which closed its doors and then with Mcdonalds. You have to understand all of this was while I should have been going to prom etc.
While at my job with Mcdonalds I walked into a local boxing gym. Within a year I had dropped 80 pounds to 210. My grandfather who i loved dearly was an army veteran a retired master sergeant. I walked into a army recruiting office and in almost a month I was off to basic training.
After basic training I was assigned to germany. It was awesome the clubs closed at 5am and for a 19 year old who can now drink it was the time of my life. I was considered a, "PT stud"(means I can run real fast and do alot of pushups and situps without resting) so life at work was going great. We were going to Irag in 3 months so everyone was partying harder than ususal.
I did my tour in Iraq and I won't explain my experience here. I was a combat engineer which means I was route clearance and cache search. That means we drive ahead of everyone and look for IEDS(improvised explosive device) or we look for hidden weapons or bombs etc. When we got back it was awesome.
Fast forwarding, I had just done my second tour. I was stop-lossed and now I got to go on leave for a MONTH, A MONTH!!!! I didn't even know what all to do, off for a month all that money I saved from two deployments I could go anywhere. Not only that but I would be payed for the month too.
I figured hey go out with my best friend %%%%%% for a couple of days then take a flight to wherever. Then the absolute impossible happened, something that the feminist group who came to my group home said never happened. I got accused of raping a woman.
Fast forwarding again, I have sought help for myself. I don't drink anymore unless its a social situation. If it is I leave the drinking at the bar. I still don't trust women, if it can happen once it can again. However I got better, this was in January(that I got better).
My rage when I wrote this is almost gone.
Thanks again for reading my story.
I'm sorry this happened to you but I'm going to have to disagree with your statement that "every allegation of rape is taken deadly serious." It's just not. If rape were something people *really* cared about there would be much harsher penalties for it and there would be more men speaking out against it. Instead as a society we talk about how awful it is an don't do a damn thing to prevent it.
"I'm sorry this happened to you but I'm going to have to disagree with your statement that "every allegation of rape is taken deadly serious." It's just not."
We follow these cases very closely and what we see is that most law enforcement personnel do an amazing job to painstakingly get to the bottom of rape claims. They treat rape claims more seriously than any other crime, except murder. In fact, we report on a mulititude of incidents here where men and boys who, it turns out, are innocent are arrested and jailed, with bail set so high as to insure they won't get out, without bothering to check available evidence that proves to be exculpatory (e.g., video evidence). If anything, the liberties of the presumptively innocent are discarded too lightly in the zeal to treat rape claims seriously.
Rape convictions garner convictions longer than for any other crime except murder, which is astounding, given that the injuries from aggravated assault are typically greater.
But you are correct. Rape is not taken "seriously" enough -- but, sadly, not for the reasons you think. The persons who dominate the discourse about rape are more interested in using rape as a symbol for female oppression than for helping rape victims. They are more interested in shaming innocent young men on campus who look at Playboy Magazine because, they say, this falls on a "rape continuum" (and, yes, studies DO show that there is a link between porn and rape -- the earlier boys are looking at some porn, the less likely they are to rape. I point that out as someone who is opposed to porn on other grounds. There is no rape continuum.)
Some of our most supportive mail comes from rape victims because they loathe and detest false accusers. They know that false accusers hurt them more than anyone. Too bad the forces of gender political correctness who dominate the public discourse on rape don't share their loathing.
What we would like to see is the credibility of rape claimants to be enhanced. Right now, we have a false rape epidemic -- police officers, judges and even sexual assault counselors who are candid freely admit that every rape lie diminishes the credibility of actual rape victims. Yet, the persons who dominate the public discourse about rape pretend it isn't so. False accusers are allowed to lie with impunity, and copycat incidents pop up like weeds. Every rape lie diminishes the integrity of the women most in need of our help -- actual rape victims.
What to do? Start taking rape more seriously by adopting a zero tolerance policy about rape (real rape, not manufactured rape that supposedly occurred because there was merely "consent" and not "enthusiastic consent"). We can do this by insisting that every rape claimant is telling the truth. Those who aren't need to be punished severely for their lies. Erect billboards: "Rape is awful; so are false rape claims." And stop acting as if young women are not free moral agents. Young women who put themselves in dangerous situations have far more ability to stop rape than innocent young men do. Rapists are criminals, not college boys who get aroused by a Playboy Magazine.
Hi.. Your story has helped me personally alot.. I'm sixteen and this same thing has happened to me. I was falsely accused and am still paying for it. The courts ruled in my favour but not before it completly ruined my life. It's been almost a year since the incident and have lived every waking moment thinking about it. The girl and I had been extremly close friends for over three years and in one day she changed my life forever. I lost every friend I had, even my closest friends who I have know all my life. It is extremly difficult now to make new friends and keep relationships. I just would like to say thank you, to the writer and AfOR this has really opened my eyes to things and helped me emotionaly. I just wish that this didn't have to happen to anyone, except maybe the women who have done this to us. Thanks alot.
Matt.
What I meant by "deadly serious" is you are stripped of most if not all of your due process rights. The police have to believe the victim or possibly face civil action later. The same thing happens in the US concerning domestic violence.
When you are accused of something like this you get castrasized. Public opinion turns against you and in US public cases your name is not protected. You get put out there by the media. Thankfully this happened to me overseas and my name was not dragged through the mud. I feel for anyone who went through this outside of the military court system.
I feel ya Mr. Book Jamer. Keep your head up bro, you will see better days, ans this too shall pass.
This blogsite is the EXACT reason why I am embarking on a Law degree to become a criminal defence lawyer. I am a woman and disgusted with women who think it's okay to lie and ruin so many lives. The case studies I have read regarding false allegations of rape are astounding. It's epidemic and needs to be stopped. I for one believe that those who are found to be lying need to be prosecuted and to pay compensation to the accused.
I have been in a similar situation and lost my ROTC scholarship because of her lies.. the DA's office "refuse to press charges" yet i was expelled from my school. but what is even more frustrating is that every where i turn i find empty answers that give absolutely no justice for her ruining my life.. lawyers refuse to take my lawsuit case since "they are expensive and she has no money" and the DA's office wont even give me the reason they didnt press charges.. its like everyone is working for the accuser despite i have been cleared of all charges!!!
i read these blogs and other cases and as a victim of false rape accusations i know all would agree i need justice, i have remained calm long enough, and i dont want to end up physically harming her so WHERE CAN I GET "MY" JUSTICE!!!
Brother im sorry for what happened, and hope you be ok for years to come by graduating from college and achieveing your goals. I am a Sgt in the army now and trying to fight this battle of false accusations to open higher ups eyes that soldiers DO get fasley accused of stuff like this and things need to change. Peace my brother if you see this.
Sgt U.S. Army
i have just been falsely accused of indecent assault and my life has gone totally down hill since. life is shit and i am not happy. i became jobless, lost my place at uni, homeless and skint. when i get found innocent assuming the courts do work i want to sue the girl who has destroyed me. if it goes pear shaped for me there is no point going on. people who lie should be dealt harsh;y by the law and everyone, innocent till proven guilty doesnt happen. you are guilty as soon as you are charged.
Hey i know what your saying i'm in the army right now and i have been under investigation for a FRA and its been a yr and i ETS in 4months so i've been going through some crazy shit i almost drink myself to death sometimes but i don't good blog when my shit is over i will post my story as well.
i was falsely accused of child abuse. There are so many charges it hard to know which one they are talking about. It is so confusing. I have lose my job, my apartment, my car, I was in the county for 6 months. I was bailed out by having my grandma house to put up the bond. All I can do is scream I am innocent. The liar has changed her story several times. But it continues I waiting not knowing what will happen when I go to trial. How can a man defend against this?
I cant decide if this story helped me or not... a female at my school has accused my boyfriend of rapping her. They dont even talk and he hates her guts. She has accused him of this three times now and I'm sick of it. I had the school cop in my face because i was outraged and made threats. I was raped at the age of 13 so i know what the legal system is like. HOW DO I HELP HIM??? I'm desperate. I know he didnt do it, all of his friends and family know he didnt do it, and shes also considered the school slut. I used to have a lot of respect for her till now. She used to be like a sister to me... shes doing this to get back at me and i need to know what to do.. please... any advice at all would be amazingly helpful.
I am currently making a documentary on those who have been falsely accused of rape or murder, and the devistating, undesserving consequences of such acts. Please feel free to contact me to participate www.Becky.Kayla@gmail.com
If you ever find yourself being falsely accused of a sex crime, there is a great law firm called
Premier Defense Group that does nothing but sex crimes defense.
This is not surprising. Think of dreams. The mind is making up an alternate reality. In forensic work we call false memories confabulations. So, the question is how we determine what is real and what is not. Considering that our prior mental programming creates filters, each of us have a different subjective experience of an event. This should lead us to always question our level of certainty when it comes to any perceived "reality."
I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. MY HEART BREAKS TO READ YOUR STORY. YOU ARE FAR TO YOUNG TO BE SO INJURED BY A FALSE ACCUSATION, NOT THAT AT ANY AGE SUCH A THING TO ENDURE IS NOT TRAGIC. I TOO AM GOING THROUGH A SIMILAR HORROR AND IT HAS DESTROYED ME. MY TRIAL IS COMING UP SHORTLY. I AM ACCUSED OF HAVING HAD MY PENIS OUT WHILE WALKING BY A WOMAN WHO WAS WITH HER DAUGHTERS WHO ARE MINORS. THE MOTHER GIVES A STATEMENT THE DAY OF MY ARREST AND SHE IS NOT SURE OF WHAT SHE HAS SEEN ACCORDING TO HER WRITTEN STATEMENT AT THE TIME OF MY ARREST SHE DOES NOT MENTION HER DAUGHTERS IN HER REPORT. THE DAUGHTERS DO NOT GIVE A STATEMENT. I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANY OF THEM AND I DON'T KNOW THEM. I AM CHARGED WITH FELONIES INCLUDING CHILD ENDANGERMENT YET NO ONE CLAIMS I WAS DOING ANYTHING BUT WALKING--THE WOMAN IS NOT SURE OF WHAT SHE BELIEVES SHE THINKS SHE HAS SEEN SAYING IT APPEARED TO BE MY PENIS. SHE NEVER SAYS SO MUCH AS CLAIMS I LOOKED AT HER OR HER DAUGHTERS, AND NEVER SAYS I TOUCHED MYSELF OR IN ANYWAY ACTED INAPPROPRIATELY BUT SHE SAYS IT APPEARED TO BE MY PENIS--THE BELT I WAS WEARING WAS LIGHT BEIGE. I HAVE ACCEPTED NO DEALS. I HAVE NO CRIMINAL RECORD AND I AM FORCING A TRIAL. BUT IF CONVICTED EVEN THOUGH I BELIEVE (AS DOES EVERYONE I HAVE SPOKEN TO) THAT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO EVIDENCE I WILL FACE MANDATORY MEGAN'S LAW FOREVER. THE MOTHER, AND THE POLICE WHO I THINK ANYONE WILL BELIEVE SLANDERED ME IN THE PRESS HAVE DESTROYED MY LIFE FOREVER. I WISH THEY HAD KILLED ME THAT DAY. I REMAIN LIVING TO CLEAR MY NAME TO THE EXTENT A NOT GUILTY VERDICT WILL DO THAT BUT ONCE ACCUSED, NO ONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW YOU CARES IF YOU ARE FOUND INNOCENT--IN CRIMES ALLEGED TO BE AGAINST CHILDREN IT DOESN'T MATTER TO THE PUBLIC IF YOU DIDN'T COMMIT THE CRIME--THEY JUST THINK YOU MUST HAVE BEEN DOING SOMETHING. I DID NOTHING WRONG. I HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES TO OTHERS AND ONE ANIMAL TO TAKE CARE OF, OTHERWISE I WOULD JUST GIVE UP. MY LIFE WAS STOLEN AND EVEN GIVEN THE BEST OUTCOME I HAVE BEEN RUINED. I WISH THEY KILLED ME THAT DAY WHICH THEY MIGHT AS WELL HAVE--THIS HAS CHANGED ME BEYOND REPAIR. PLEASE REALIZE THERE ARE OTHER INNOCENT MEN OUT THERE AND I FOR ONE UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN- I REALLY, REALLY DO.
This world nowaday is screw up. I extremely agree we need to protect women from rapist and the like, and they are smart, talented just like us men. But protect them by hand our life in to their hand, psshh... I rather be a rapist then a victim of this FRA nonsense. I respect you for the kindness you 've shown for that bitch and how strong your will live on, to overcome it. If it was me and i have nowhere to go, i'm sure i would just kill her and kill myself... I'm really really feel for you man ...
There are case when a couple has even engage. But the so call "girl friend" meet his boy friend cousin, a much more good looking dude and fall for him. Can you guess what that bitch did? She accused the man for rape her to cancel the engagement. That was fking scary. Hell, i'm going to live alone for the rest of my live.
For the man out there, please stay away from every women you see except your wife, and i mean a GOOD wife. Who know one day some bitch hate your face, aproach you, gently took your hand, raise up for everyone to see and scream in a sweet voice "Help! he grope me! someone call police!"...
Thank you so very much for sharing your experience. When my boyfriend was in college, he was accused of rape by a girl after she passed out on the couch during a party at his place 10 years ago. A week later she told her friend that she remembered him raping her at that party. The friend then, alarmingly quickly, spread that false statement to absolutely everyone she could think of, including his internship advisor who then proceeded to harass, threaten and stalk my boyfriend (while remaining his advisor). At the time, my boyfriend was completely unaware of the rumor, and had no idea why people were treating him so poorly. The girl then came to the realization that she had dreamed the whole thing, and that absolutely none of it was true. My boyfriend went to the girl who spread the rumor (NOT the alleged victim), and asked her to recant her statement and restore his good character. Her reply was: "Ugh! I'm so mad at her ("her" being the friend who accused my boyfriend of rape) I told so many people! I can't just go back and say it wasn't true. Can you do it?" She said this to my boyfriend, the one who had been falsely accused. She expected HIM to try and tell everybody that he was innocent. How on EARTH was he supposed to do that?!?? He's such a sweet guy, that he just let it go and didn't want to cause any trouble. Meanwhile, everyone who heard the rumor (and that was a LOT of people at his university--the girl had gone directly to his internship advisor along with all friends)--was treating him like he had raped that girl. His internship advisor refused to give him credit for the internship and told him that he would not ever graduate. He has not been able to advance in his career, and has lost friendships as a result of this false accusation and this idiot girl who wouldn't tell the truth about her false rumor. It's 10 years later, now, and he still cries about his lost friendships, lost job opportunities and the abuse he suffered from the people who believed, and still believe, he was/is guilty. This is only a very small portion of the torture he has endured at the hands of this rumor.
We are going to meet with a lawyer regarding this, just in case anything further happens, and perhaps to sue for defamation of character/slander.
Please give me your thoughts on this situation. We are desperate and I'm afraid for his health.
Thank You for reading.
Oh and I forgot to mention that his university covered up the actions of his advisor, and even offered to pay off my boyfriend's student loans. The advisor has not suffered any reprocussions for his actions, and still works in the same capacity at the university.
Female genital mutilation I think would be the adequate punishment for making false rape allegations.
We are going through the same kind of false reports too. I never knew how easy it was to be falsely accussed and face life in prison. There has got to be something done for justice for the falsely accussed this is horrible over a lie. I'm saddened with the whole situation and to put all over news and radio before proven guilty and Dr. Said nothing showed any evidence of rape.
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