Monday, March 1, 2010

Rape hysteria infects sex play

Rape and molestation hysteria has infected the most mundane things when it comes to men.  Men are now viewed with suspicion in a variety of settings where suspicion formerly did not exist, and where suspicion should not exist.  Perhaps just as bad, men have become self-conscious in what should be completely innocent settings. For example, men are reluctant to aid a crying child in the mall for fear of a false molestation charge.  Now, how wrong is that?  Yet men's fears are legitimate.  Lots of men are even conscious about what women think when they play with their own children in the park.  Not right, by any measure, but don't blame the men.

Is it any wonder that men are self-conscious in bed, the proverbial "scene of the crime"?

Allow me to pose an honest question to our regular male readers who are familiar with the prevalence of false rape claims: how many of you now think aboiut the possibility of a false rape claim when you are in bed with a woman?  Even a woman you trust? Doesn't it at least cross your mind for a fleeting instant? 

My guess is, for quite a few of us, it crosses our minds.  Even if we've been married for many years to wonderful women whom we trust.

This rape hysteria has infected perfectly legal, consensual sex routines. Some women, of course, like to be dominated in bed. But their guys have been so emasculated by three decades of rape hysteria that they might be reluctant to give her what she wants.

Here's a woman-friendly discussion of that reluctance from 5 Moves Women Love In Bed, But Can Be Too Afraid To Ask:

"3. She wants to be dominated: Even big-mouthed ballsy women like me enjoy being dominated! Yet dominating a woman scares a lot of men because they are afraid — rightfully so — of being rape-y.
. . . .
"It’s also a good idea to create a 'safe word,' which is something she can say when she wants you to stop immediately. (Sometimes in the heat of the moment people say “Oh, noooo!” when they really mean “Oh, that feels good!” So it’s good if your safe word is something other than “no.”) My safe word is this sentence: 'I want you to stop now.' Because it makes my intentions clear."

Men "rightfully" fear being "rape-y."  Hmm.  See, it's a good fear; a legitimate fear; a fear not to be discouraged. And isn't it interesting how the author feels it necessary to spell out the fact that parties need to communicate non-consent clearly?  Rape feminism, my friends, has convinced everyone that couples are miscommunicating up a storm in bed. My guess is that there is far, far less miscommunication than the "experts" say there is, and that even for most cases that erupt into rape claims, the only communication during the act is the communication of love and consent.