Friday, March 5, 2010

Please, ladies, tell me it's not true (but even if you tell me, how can I believe you?)

Now, tell me, ladies -- tell me how the hell I'm supposed to feel when I read about a book like the one quoted below?  Tell me how this squares with my work as one of the few people in America writing objectively about the problem of false rape claims?  And no matter what you tell me, tell me how I can believe you?

In Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets, Susan Shapiro Barash explains how women "tell all sorts of lies," and for women, lying is a way of life.  It's also perfectly understandable -- and really not their fault:

"A woman's lies to friends, children, husband, lover, adult siblings, and co-workers are societally induced -- it's a tool used when we're missing out, when the life we dreamed of eludes us, when the going gets tough. It's interesting how a woman recognizes a lie coming from another woman (men often miss the lie, as do children, especially sons) and often endorse the behavior. Unless a woman's lie deliberately hurts another woman, it's as if we all belong to the same club, where the expedience of our lies proliferate and rule the day."

The last sentence makes my skin crawl.  A male commentator at said this: "The interesting thing is the amorality of the writer and the female deceivers."

And you feminists think it's fair that a gender of expert liars can send an innocent man to prison on the basis of her uncorroborated word?
I am going to be citing this book in my arguments against the corroboration rule from now on. The tone in the quote above that seeks to understand the culture of lying is almost celebratory.  The suggestion that it's OK to lie if only a male is hurt by it is morally grotesque.  To say that all this is off-putting to someone concerned about false rape claims is a gross understatement. Unfortunately, that quote mirrors a culture that manifests itself on this site day in and day out -- where the truth is held hostage to a woman's selfish need to lie for the sake of expediency, often at a terrible cost to innocent men and boys.