Men have lost the 'battle of the sexes' . . . because the opponent cheats

Gentlemen, it is now obvious that the much ballyhooed "battle of the sexes" was over even before it had begun, and our side never fired a shot. It is incumbent on men to raise the white flag of surrender, but we mustn't feel bad because we never had a chance -- we are far too chivalrous, and our opponents fight dirty. To use a baseball analogy, their tactics are akin to moving the outfield wall in 100 feet every time they come to bat, then moving it back when our team comes up. You see, women won the battle with an amazingly simple, yet frighteningly ingenious, strategy: they merely declared their superiority to men in every facet of life, and that was enough to send our side into retreat. The facts speak for themselves:

•Women remove male role models from their sons' lives, then when their sons behave badly, the women blame "patriarchy."

•Stereotyping girls as inferior to boys in any facet of life is "misogyny"; stereotyping boys as potential batterers and rapists is a public service announcement.

•Boys are told they must never hit a girl, and they are given license to beat the crap out of other boys. Girls are told boys must never hit a girl, and they are given license to beat the crap out of boys.

•Women insist that our daughters be given the right to play on the boys' sports teams, even if it means taking spots away from boys. Boys either are banned outright, or are socially ostracized, from playing on the girls' teams. Net result: girls are afforded more opportunities to play than boys.

•When girls supposedly were behind boys in educational achievement, most men agreed there was a problem with the schools (even though there wasn't); now that it's clear boys really are behind girls in every indicia of educational achievement, women tell us the problem is the boys, the schools are just fine.

•Women say they want men to be less "manly" and more sensitive and caring; those same women refuse to date actual men who are more sensitive and caring because they aren't sufficiently "manly."

•Women harshly brand young men hesitant about marriage as commitment-phobes; when those same women later end their marriages on a whim or because they aren't feeling "fulfilled," they don't see how their own "commitment" is at all pertinent to the issue.

•A woman who tells her fiance that she wants to take time off from work when they have children is called a normal woman; a man who tells his fiance he wants to take time off from work when they have children is called an ex-fiance.

•Attending a bachelor party with a stripper is disgusting and depraved; attending a bachelorette party with a stripper and a raunchy cake depicting an ejaculating penis is a girls' night out.

•Women insist that men be "equal partners" in performing their share of domestic chores, and this "partnership" consists of women dictating which domestic chores must be performed and the precise manner and timing of performing them.

•If a man wants sex more often than his wife is willing to give, he's selfish; if a woman wants sex more often than her husband is willing to give, he's selfish.

•Married men who have affairs are selfish pigs; married women who have affairs are seeking the fulfillment they are not getting in their marriages.

•Women insist their husbands assume the responsibilities of being a full parent, but as soon as a woman files for divorce, she and the judge let the man in on the little joke he's the last to hear: he is not, and could never be, a full parent; he is just an ATM.

•When a man in an intact family goes through tough financial times the entire family tightens their belts and sacrifices together. After the woman kicks the man out of the house, if the man goes through tough financial times, the family does not tighten their belts -- dad either comes up with the support money, or he goes to jail.

•Women criticize men for not be actively involved in their children's lives, but the minute they see a man they don't know in the park with his own children, they call the cops.

•Women-owned businesses are afforded all manner of special treatment to encourage women to have a greater role in the workforce; men seeking to enter the domestic sphere are afforded nothing, least of all encouragement.

•When men work in dangerous, physically demanding jobs that few people want, it's their choice; when women are paid less for working in safe, physically undemanding jobs that everyone wants, it's "discrimination."

•Now that young women outearn their male counterparts in many large cities, do women cede the mantle of victimhood and celebrate having overcome discrimination? No, they bellyache that they can't find mates who are their intellectual peers.

•Women insisted on having equal access to every place men congregate, then as soon as they gained admittance they insisted on having "women-only" spaces.

•Women insist on total equality in every sphere of life, but snidely remark that any male who exits the elevator before they do has no manners.

•Women complain that men "objectify" them, then they proceed to subsidize the multi-billion dollar fashion and beauty industries, driven entirely by women, in order to appeal to men.

•Women gripe that men treat them as sex objects while making no apologies for treating men as success objects.

•Women label older men with younger women as "disgusting" and "dirty old men"; women label older women with younger men as "empowered."

•Women claim they are "objectified" in television commercials and programs and movies despite the fact that female characters are almost always portrayed as smart, wise, and put-upon by the selfish and oafish male characters with whom they interact.

•Male bashing = humorous and empowering; female bashing = misogyny.

•Man who hits his wife = batterer, felon; woman who cuts off her husband's penis = victim, feminist hero.

•When women commit domestic violence, it's called "self defense"; when men act in self-defense, it's called "domestic violence."

•When an angry wife or girlfriend commits a terrible atrocity against her husband or boyfriend, we gussy it up with romantic imagery and call it "scorned love." When the genders are reversed, it's plain old "domestic violence."

•Rape of women is a national crisis; rape of men in prison is a punchline.

•Women shame young men who would never harm a woman that they must be "part of the solution" to end rape; if men tell young women they must be "part of the solution" to end rape by being careful, that's "victim blaming."

•When underage teens have consensual sex, usually only one is convicted as a statutory rapist and, upon his release, required to register as a sex offender. Can you guess his gender?

•Men having sex with teen girls are viewed as the lowest form of life, and they are usually sent to prison for many years; women having sex with teen boys are seen as "mixed up" and emotionally immature, and if they receive any prison sentence, it is far lighter than when the genders are reversed.

•Women tout the glories of the "hook up" culture so long as no obligations are expected of them: if both the guy and the girl get drunk and have sex, she's a rape victim, and he's a rapist.

•A teen girl who is statutorily raped can have an abortion if her rapist impregnates her; a teen boy who is statutorily raped will be forced to pay child support to his rapist if she decides to have the child. And if the boy doesn't pay, he will be jailed as a "deadbeat dad."

•When a woman accuses a man of rape and he denies it, there are conflicting claims of criminality, yet only one is arrested; only one's name is reported in the news for the world to titillate to his humiliation; only one is likely to be imprisoned if he's convicted; and only one will have the accusation trail him like a ghost for the rest of his life even if it is false. Can you guess his gender?

•Women insist that males are undeservedly "privileged," arrogating to themselves the right to define what "privileged" means. Apparently not taken into account in their definition are the following facts:

▲On average, women outlive men in developed countries by five or more years;

▲Men have higher death rates for all fifteen of the leading causes of death (except Alzheimer’s);

▲Men are approximately 50% of the workforce but account for 93% of job related deaths;

▲Males between 20 and 24 have a seven times greater rate of suicide than their female counterparts, and overall, men commit suicide at rates three to four times greater than women;

▲Innocent males are between 1.5 to 2 times more likely than females to be assaulted;

▲Government funding for breast cancer research outpaces funding for prostate cancer research by nearly two to one even though prostate cancer and breast cancer have roughly the same caseload;

▲Death among young men due to testicular cancer in the 15-34 age group outpaces the number of deaths from breast cancer among women in the same age group, but good luck trying to remember the last time a commercial entity raised awareness about testicular cancer;

▲Victims of war -- both combatants and, yes, non-combatants -- are more likely to be male;

▲Responsible young men are charged considerably more for auto insurance than irresponsible young women, simply because they were born male;

▲A woman who commits the same crime as a man will receive, on average, only a fraction of the sentence; and

▲During FY 2007, 158,935 names and addresses of suspected violators of the duty to register with the Selective Service System were provided to the Department of Justice for possible investigation and prosecution for their failure to register, carrying a penalty up to five years in prison -- every one of the violators was male -- because young women are exempt from even registering.

That, you see, is what is known as "male privilege." But even pointing out these facts and suggesting that there is any inequity favoring women will be met with disgusted eye rolling on the part of the opposition. That's one of their formidable weapons that helped them win the "battle of the sexes" before a single shot was fired.